This blogs main focus is going to be about finding myself again and the things I am discovering, enjoying and hating along the way. you are going to get a little bit of everything.
But I figured the best place to start would be the beginning. The point where I started to lose Nicole and just be the titles. I was a young mom, just 20 years old. My then boyfriend, now ex-husband, was in jail the day she was born. He would continue to be in and out of jail for the years we remained together and many, many years after we separated. PART 1 of losing Nicole as I was left with making sure our 2 children were taken care of and bills were paid by myself for nearly 10 years. Year 10 of being mom we had a new addition added to the family, his dad, my current ex, is a fantastic dad and wonderful provider and was a great husband for so many years. Here we are at PART 2 of losing Nicole. First let me say I was completely in love with this man. (Truth be told I still am). But in my loving him I put all of my energies into being the best “wife”. So I am making sure all of his needs are taken care of, things he wants take precedence over the things I want. Making sure our blended family with 5 kids are all taken care of. So day after day, month after month, year after year (15 years to be exact, 13 together and 2 breaking) I lost myself little by little until all I was was mom, wife, and yes grandma. The 2 years of breaking, PART 3 of losing Nicole, not really, this is the point where I realized that those titles I thought were Nicole didn’t mean anything. No matter how well I did them or how much energy I poured into them it didn’t make a difference in the end.
So now we are Getting back to being Nicole and finding out who she is now.